paresh blog - musings

While the world was astounded by success of Paul the Octopus's predictions stunningly accurate predictions during the last world cup, another story unfolded soon after, yet untold. The story can now be told as the protagonists have now made peace and gone on with life, each one wiser for the experience.

As Paul's fame grew rapidly during the world cup, many in the world and India became impressed. This included some smart business groups. "Fortune telling is a big market across the world. If we incldue Paul in our repertoire, we can provide the best quality fortune telling product worldwide", said Mr. Mike Misfortune, CEO of President of the High Headed Musketeers Inc. "Paul can truly blend with our ancient oriental wisdom based guidance ot people for their future", opined Ms Foo-Li-She, Chairperson of Pre-Dict-Non-Sen-se Corporation, in Guang Dong. Nor did it escape attention of the clever Pandit Kuch Bhola Kuch Kiya of Jai-mere-family Ashram in Gadbadpur, in Northern India. "All we have to do is to teach him a bit if vedas and then he will bring us the billions", felt the holy swamiji.

All the above started making hectic preparations for attracting Paul. Paul, being a professional, decided to have a sound and contoversy free process of bidding. First a technical presentation was made by each party. Then the parties made a marketing presentation. It was here that Paul's sixth sense alerted him first to the unmatched potential in India. Whether it was marriage or divorce, filling nomination form for elections or going to party high command to plead cancelllation of a rival's ticket, sound predictionn formed a pre-process QA element. Whether it was starting on first day of job or planning to pick-pocket, Indians need to know what are chances of success beforehand. Whether it is the nervous debutant cricketer going out to open an innings or a bookie trying fix odds and fix matches, they all relied on the "trikal-gyanis" (all knowing gurus) to tell them whether to lift their left leg first or right, while starting their journey of the day. With such an advanced and mature user group, felt Paul, India is the natural place to immigrate and settle down. After all, one has to think of not just oneself, but also of future family generations. In India, he knew, his chidren were bound to follow him and succeed, as only in India are there so many role models of sons and daughters - all dutifully following their father's footsteps, all to serve the nation.

Once Paul came to this conclusion, he immediately called his manager and asked him to shortlist the Swamiji. While the Swamiji proposed a technical collaboratiobn agreement. Paul insisted on a majority stake. The merchant bankers, IKMU, filed an application with the FIPB. The FIPB refered the matter to GOM, asking it for defining the industry sector. The GOM started its discussions. The process till now had been very smooth and extremely businesslike and Paul even expressed pleasant surprise to his girlfriend and in a fit of extravagance, promised to take her for a holy dip in Ganges soon.

But as is well said, the best laid plans of men and optopus - oft go awry. It was lazy Sunday afternoon that buffalo Binnimol, after taking a well deserved nap in her pond, opened her favorite sports magazineto and very approvingly read about Paul. Here is someone who will resptore the glory back to animal kingdom all over the world, she thought. But it was an obscure sms which arrived at the same time on her Talkia mobile, reading which she suddenly sprang up. The sms mentioned about the impending entry of Paul to India. The quiet admiration for Paul was instantly replaced by righteous indignation for Paul, the Swamiji and the whole Indian burueacracy. Why should a foreign investment be allowed in animaldom matters she felt? She immediately ran to the Cantadevi, the eldest Cow in the town. They all moo-discussed. Cantadevi scoffed at Paul's claim to fame in India. Why, she said, my husband, the Bunglerdas the Bull, has an uncanny ability to spot oncoming rains and manages to vaniush every time it is going to pour. He also can predict when their offspring Custard Calf is about to ask for pocket money, and smartly washes his legs and tails off the demand even before it is made. Cantadevi suggested that they can form a company with Bunglerdas as chief scientist, as anyway, he is otherwise playing no useful function.

As the news spread, all hell broke loose in the Indian Animal-dom. Dagdu, the elephant, claimed that his wife can move her ears in a most elegant way and if she was trained, she could predict in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Guddu, the most feared street dog in Bigdogkuppam, openly challenged any one saying that his son, Chottu is the best qualified. His actions are so complicated, he said, they can be interpreted as any thing, thus making all predictions right. Dhunji the donkey claimed that this field should be reserved for them, in veiw of centuries of oppresion. Many political leaders supported him.

The opposition to Paul became more and more vocal. Soon a bandh was called, protesting againt the imperialistic policies of the mankind. "We shall not be colonized by the animal-dom from the west", was the common chant at the huge procession on the bandh day. Today you allow one Paul and tomorrow you will have an army of Cats, Dogs, Jauguars, Pandas and what not, they felt. The core animal-dom steering group met to chart out strategy to nip the foreign invasion in the bud, or more aptly in Paul's acquarium. They decided unanimously that foreign invasion in an area in which India has rich traditions should not be tolerated. The government quickly buckled down to their pressure and passed a special ordinance.

Rest is history. Paul's dream of coming to India remained a pipe dream.